The adage, “It’s lonely at the top” is often used to describe the isolation that accompanies being at the highest rank of a traditional organizational structure. And while it’s true that over 70% of new CEOs report feelings of loneliness,[i] they don’t have a lock on that human emotion. Leaders, of all levels, experience a sense of aloneness from time to time. And no group feels it more keenly than individual contributors who have been recently promoted to frontline leaders. Given that loneliness, if left unchecked, can have the same negative health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day,[ii] it’s important for new leaders to recognize and address these feelings as soon as they emerge.
Loneliness at Work
Are we, as a society, more lonely at work than in past decades? Expert opinions vary. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy frames loneliness in the starkest of terms, writing, “At work, loneliness reduces task performance, limits creativity, and impairs other aspects of executive function such as reasoning and decision making. For our health and our work, it is imperative that we address the loneliness epidemic quickly.”[iii] Other studies report seemingly contradictory findings, with some arguing that reliance on technology has diminished our social ties, and others discovering that technology can actually help reduce feelings of isolation.[iv]
The jury may be out on exactly how many of us are lonely at work, but medical and mental health experts agree: feelings of isolation are not good for the people experiencing it. “Social loneliness”, which is “felt when we do not have a confidante and are unable to get support from peers, colleagues, family, or friends,” can lead to despair and possibly depression.[v]
And beyond the harmful effects that loneliness imparts to individuals, there are organizational ramifications as well. It’s been shown that loneliness can contribute to rapid turnover, reduced productivity, and burnout.[vi][vii] One researcher even likened the disintegration of our social networks to a fraying crocheted sweater, its threads coming loose and undermining the garment’s structural integrity.[viii]
New Frontline Leaders are Especially Vulnerable to Feeling Alone
People in leadership roles experience a very specific set of conditions that may lead to desolate feelings.
Unclear social norms
One of the biggest surprises new managers encounter after a promotion is how quickly their workplace social circle changes. Casual invitations such as, “Want to hang out and grab dinner?” may now be fraught with ambiguity about whether that type of socializing is appropriate.
Fewer peers
Also, leaders with previously large peer groups are often stymied by the fact that they now have so few peers to turn to for support and advice. It’s simple math: there are fewer leaders than individual contributors, so they will have access to a smaller candidate pool of confidantes. Even though it’s the normal way of organizational life, it can still leave new leaders feeling adrift.
Distance with work friends
Along with having fewer people to get advice from, the social dynamics between new leaders and their former peers have changed. There is a “distancing” between self and former peers that occurs when they move into the management ranks. This interpersonal distancing cuts both ways: individual contributors may not understand the demands of their newly promoted friends, and new supervisors, not wanting to appear to favor their pals, tend to avoid giving their friends bonuses, even when deserved.[ix]
Antidotes to Frontline Leadership Loneliness
Research has uncovered several ways in which frontline leaders may ease the distance felt in their new role. Here are four ideas that leaders can put to use:
1. Root out the source of loneliness
First off, it might be helpful for new leaders to consider the source of their disconnection: is it due to being truly isolated? Or might that sense of uneasiness also be tied to the new identity that leadership brings? Leaders who reflect by considering, How much of what I’m feeling is tied to the new role I’m learning? may find solace in the answers. It can be helpful to understand that one’s loneliness isn’t in any way a personal failing, but rather an outgrowth of forming new business relationships and learning new skills.
2. Create new, meaningful social networks
Moving into a managerial role means forging relationships with a new set of peers—other frontline leaders. And although this might seem daunting, there is evidence that gathering with this group can help thwart loneliness. “Cultivating a network of allies. . .can provide mutual support in creating positive change to improve performance,” write psychology researchers Norian Caporale-Berkowitz and Stewart D. Friedman. New leaders should look for ways to form bonds. Examples include intentionally connecting for informal activities, such as lunch, or participating in more formal organizational events, such as peer coaching.[x]
3. Leverage casual interactions
It’s not just the strong bonds we have with colleagues, friends, and family that lead to overall feelings of connectedness. Random interactions can help us feel less lonely as well. Gillian Sandstrom, whose research focuses on “weak ties”—those brief, positive social encounters people have throughout their day—has found that when we have a genuine social interaction with a stranger, we feel 17% happier and more socially connected.[xi]
Leaders can leverage weak ties in the workplace by creating intention to connect. Sandstrom reports that the simple act of smiling and saying “hello” to a stranger increases positive emotions and aids in the feeling of connectivity, so even something as simple as smiling at people passing in the hallways can lesson feelings of loneliness.
This strategy of “intentional connection” is especially important for leaders who find themselves in a hybrid or remote work configuration; they must proactively seek out social interaction in their day, whether it’s when walking their dog or taking a break at their local coffee shop. Some organizations put a structured process into place to aid in creating weak ties. For example, during the pandemic, Google created randomly generated 15-minute virtual “coffee chat” meetings to help employees and leaders connect with people they wouldn’t otherwise meet.
4. Frame missteps as learning experiences
As frontline managers adjust to managing people, they may find themselves navigating new territory with unease—such as managing conflict among colleagues, or communicating a big workplace change. It’s inevitable that new leaders won’t do this all perfectly. Instead of berating themselves and keeping missteps silent, they should see these as valuable learning experiences, discuss them with peer managers, and ask experienced leaders if they have recommended best practices. By framing missteps as learning experiences and discussing them with peers, new leaders can more easily release the tension and isolation that a new leadership identity may bring, and may even start to confidently embrace their role. More structured initiatives, such as lunch-and-learn events and formalized frontline leadership development programs, can help facilitate this social learning.
Feelings of loneliness are common for first-time leaders because a sense of isolation often accompanies their new role. Instead of suffering in silence, new frontline leaders should use their current discomfort as an opportunity to be more intentional about creating connection at work. By understanding the source of their isolation and taking steps to ameliorate these feelings, they can expand their network, feel happier and socially connected, and more effectively tackle their daily work. To learn more about what frontline leaders can do to be successful in their roles—especially those new to the position—download the full paper: Surviving the Trial by Fire: Five Crucial Capabilities for Today’s Frontline Leaders.
Citations
[i] Saporito, Thomas J., “It’s Time to Acknowledge CEO Loneliness,” HBR.org, 2012. https://hbr.org/2012/02/its-time-to-acknowledge-ceo-lo.
[ii] Cigna Health and Life Insurance, “Are You Feeling Lonely?” 2020. https://www.cigna.com/static/www-cigna-com/docs/loneliness-index-customer-flyer.pdf.
[iii] Murthy, Vivek, “Work and the Loneliness Epidemic,” HBR.org, September 26, 2017. https://hbr.org/2017/09/work-and-the-loneliness-epidemic.
[iv] Berinato, Scott, “What Do We Know About Loneliness and Work?” HBR.org, September 28, 2017 https://hbr.org/2017/09/what-do-we-know-about-loneliness-and-work.
[v] Sinha, Ruchi, “How to Be Alone without Being Lonely,” HBR.org, April 17, 2020. https://hbr.org/2020/04/how-to-be-alone-without-being-lonely.
[vi] Noonan Hadley, Constance, “Employees Are Lonelier Than Ever. Here’s How Employers Can Help.” HBR.org, June 9, 2021. https://hbr.org/2021/06/employees-are-lonelier-than-ever-heres-how-employers-can-help.
[vii] Pitstick, Hannah, “5 tips for addressing loneliness in the workplace,” Financial Management Magazine, April 5, 2021. https://www.fm-magazine.com/news/2021/apr/how-to-address-loneliness-at-work.html.
[viii] Berinato, Scott, “What Do We Know About Loneliness and Work?” HBR.org, September 28, 2017. https://hbr.org/2017/09/what-do-we-know-about-loneliness-and-work.
[ix] Shaw, Alex, Shoham Choshen-Hillel, and Eugene M. Carus, “Being Biased Against Friends to Appear Unbiased,” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2018. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103117305577?via%3Dihub.
[x] Caporale-Berkowitz, Norian, and Stewart D. Friedman, “How Peer Coaching Can Make Work Less Lonely,” HBR.org, October 12, 2018. https://hbr.org/2018/10/how-peer-coaching-can-make-work-less-lonely.
[xi] Sandstrom, Gillian, and Ashley Whillans, “Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much,” HBR.org, April 22, 2020. https://hbr.org/2020/04/why-you-miss-those-casual-friends-so-much.
